Digging the Way to My Heart – The Love Project

Every child dreams of their ideal career and my 7-year old self wished to become a veterinarian. I spent most of my early childhood afternoons reading an intense dog encyclopedia paired with stacks of various animal books. My parents referred to me as the animal whisperer because of the gentle ways I cared for all animalistic beings from the bugs on the sidewalk to the birds in the trees. I found animals so intriguing, yet I lacked the honest understanding of pet ownership because my Dad did not like the idea of having pets within the home. They require a great deal of responsibility and can be high maintenance depending on the pet. Because of this, our family welcomed many fish into our house and it would be an extended amount of time before I felt the genuine love for any pet.

After many years of cleaning fish tanks, flushing Nemo and Dory down the toilet bowl and longing for a real companion, I finally convinced my Dad to adopt a cat. Without knowing, this would be the first of many pets I would attend to. Peaches was an orange tabby cat with a grumpy temper and wanted little attention from children. Whenever my siblings and I would lay on our beds, he would squeeze below it and attack our feet as we pressed them to the floor. I wanted so badly for him to love me the same way I wanted to love and cuddle him, but I had to transpire this attempt of love in a different form. I remember sweetly enclosing him in a carrier as my Dad and I handed him to his new loving owner. It was then that I learned how loving something sometimes means letting it go for a chance at a better life.

Eventually, my family took interest in buying a hamster which was one of the greatest and funniest mistakes we’d ever make together. Annabelle’s cage found homage on my dresser and the little squirrel-like creature would keep me awake at night when she exercised on her blue wheel. Together we shared a hate-love relationship. I would put a pillow over my head and yell “Annabelle!” in hopes that her sleeping schedule would soon align with mine. However, she would never listen and I was forced to move her cage into the kitchen at night. She must have sensed my actions as a form of betrayal because we would be aghast to find her cage door wide open in the mornings. It was a game of hide and seek until we outwitted her by adding wire to the cage door. Then after a beautiful family vacation to the western parts of Canada, Annabelle’s journey came to a shocking end when she passed from heat stroke when her cage was left in the sun… Forgive me Annabelle, as I sighed in relief at the site of your burial in the backyard.

Soon after this loss, my mother and I took a road trip to a farm where we would take home a black Cocker Spaniel named Marty. My Dad cursed at the sight of him when I smiled holding his collar, leading him into the house. He was a good friend for a few years, but I was reminded of my experience with Peaches. Marty deserved to run and I could not offer him the backyard of his past. He too was handed off to a loving family that could give him the life of his dreams. I wept for days and months later stared blankly at a new fish in its bowl. I was envious of my friends who walked the neighbourhood with their puppies and cuddled them each night.

“Love is my cat waking me up at 5 a.m. every morning to snuggle, me letting him sleep on my pillow wrapped around my head. Sometimes we even sleep face to face with our noses touching (how adorable).” – Nikki Van Achte

It wasn’t until the summer of 2009 that my family met Zoey, a Yorkshire Terrier and Shih Tzu mix. We were introduced to her while in Alberta visiting family and my parents made the decision to take her home. I cared for Zoey like she was my own little baby and I held her from the moment she was first placed in my arms till her last few days on this earth. She had her own spot in my bed and we would fall asleep listening to each other breathe. I bought her a raincoat, a fitted baseball jersey, little sweaters, and I even sewed blankets to keep her warm. One year on Canada Day, I decided to trade my own birthday party and instead host a dog birthday celebration for her. I invited all my friends and their dogs to eat cake and play games. It was so cute and I still laugh about it every year on her birthday. She was my whole world.

“Family also includes my dogs (only have one now from three). Storm is a loveable dog and manages to make me crack a smile even if I’m in a bad mood with his floppy ears and affection.” – Tegan Jones

Two years later, I convinced my Mum and Dad to look at another puppy in Carberry, MB and without a doubt we came home with a purebred Yorkshire Terrier friend for Zoey. The new puppy named Sophie was very playful and she has anxiety so being around Zoey on walks was very helpful for her. However, her playfulness tired Zoey very easily and it worsened the heart murmur which she was born with. There came a day when my mother and I took Zoey to the veterinary clinic and the vet told us Zoey’s heart was the size of a tennis ball in her chest. The hole in her heart had gotten much larger and there was built-up fluid surrounding her lungs which made it difficult for her to breathe. The vet officially diagnosed her with Heart Disease and prescribed medication which made her condition become more stabilized. Although I will never forget the week when I had to stay home from school to feed her watered down food from a syringe. It was the second most heart-breaking moment I’ve ever felt for her because I knew the moments we had together were slowly coming to an end. Each day that followed her initial death predicament from the vet was a gift and I made a point of holding her closer to my heart. I wanted her to feel my heart beating and my chest move as my lungs filled with oxygen. I wanted her to know that I would always be there, from the moment we met to the day we’d meet again.

One night, Zoey laid on the floor and she was breathing so heavily. I could tell that she was in pain and so I laid on the floor next to her stroking her back until she fell asleep. The next day being March 10, 2015, my Dad picked me up from a choir rehearsal. I opened the car door to the same look he had given me when my Papa and Nana passed away. In my heart, I knew. Our journey together came full circle as I was reminded of the nights we would sleep next to each other and how this had been our final goodbye. Eating dinner that night was excruciatingly painful as I sat looking directly into Sophie’s eyes. It felt like my whole world had collapsed, yet life for everyone else continued normally. I found solace caring more deeply for Sophie as we went for long walks using Zoey’s clothes and how she began sleeping at the foot of my bed. Sophie and I shared a similar feeling of loss for Zoey and together we helped each other heal. To this day, Sophie and I are best friends and I can read her emotions by the way she acts around me. I enjoy telling her all the details of my daily life and she listens very intently. We know each other by heart.

Many of us have our own loving memories of our dear pets and this piece is merely a tribute to the furry friends that once or presently roam this earth.

“I really miss Chase. When I would leave the house, he would look out the window till I was gone. I would wave to him and say I will be back soon. When I came home, he would run to the door and his tail would be just a wagging. He would make me feel so special… It’s a good thing Chase could not talk as he knows all my secrets. He just sat there and listened. We just wanted love from each other, nothing else. No expectations. This is what is great about pets.” – Jennifer Badgley

“I found more joy in this dog than anyone else in my life. She wouldn’t judge me for anything I did or said. She was always by my side… She was so much more than a dog; she was the love of my life. Nobody or no dog will ever replace her and I would get so mad thinking about having to get another dog besides her because there’s no way in hell I’ll love them like I love her. Shortly after my grandma died, my dog was all of a sudden falling out of bed. I mean she was a clutz, but she had never done it before and I had such a sixth sense about my dog. I could tell what she was feeling just by how she looked or how she was standing or sitting. I could tell you anything about that dog… So we took her to the vet and the vet diagnosed her with Wobblers Syndrome. It’s basically where the dog’s body slowly paralyzes from the waist up… The Wobblers got so terrible while I was away from her at the lake for a week and I blame myself… We had to come home early and we put her down the next day. I had absolutely no time to think about it and how I would be or if I would be okay. I will never get over it, in fact it’s been over a year…and I still cry about it daily. I’m bawling my eyes out right now trying to explain what love is and what it does to you. And I thought she’d be a perfect example because I will never in my life care for a dog like I cared for her. She was my soul.” – Dani Wallace

Even though I have a sixth sense for all animals and I advocate for many endangered species, I no longer hold the desire to undertake veterinary studies. My journey of pet ownership has broken and healed my heart time after time. Yet, these experiences have also shaped how I form relationships with animals and I believe it is important for children growing up to own a pet. Being able to love our own animal not only teaches us responsibility and compassion, but we also learn how to respect wildlife. Whether it is letting a pet live more freely in another home, loving them as they accompany us on our own journey or letting their spirit thrive in heaven, my love for all of them intensifies each day. I realized that sometimes animals are able to teach us more about friendship and the meaning of family than the people who walk this sphere. Because unlike any flower that grows beside us, pets have a unique way of digging to find the route to our heart.

Written by Tessa R. Adamski