Forever Flowers – The Love Project

A massive garden is planted with rows upon rows of seeds. Each seed is carefully shaped by the warmth of the sun and the cold nights under the moon. As these seeds grow into their natural beings, many wither due to extreme temperatures, the toxicity of chemicals, or the inundation of rainfall. Meanwhile, the other seedlings adapt and continue to flourish together. Allowing the open spaces in the garden to replenish with fresh greens, rather than fix a disarrayed juxtaposition. With an immeasurable amount of gratitude, I value the friends who have chosen to dig their roots and sprout through all seasons of life with me. Creating securely woven bonds that hold each other through a rapid thunderstorm until the beautiful, slow exposure of sunlight unravels in the sky. With all this love and energy, I am dedicating this piece to my colourful garden of flowers.

I recently watched the entire series of Friends on Netflix and I think the best way to summarize the meaning of friendship is with the lyrics, “I’ll be there for you ‘cuz you’re there for me too”. Whether it’s one friend or a group, they feel like our second family by how they are able to listen and care for us when needed. On my eighteenth birthday, I was able to identify these lyrics through the sympathetic actions of my friends. From the moment I stepped through the front entrance of my high school, I was spoiled with cupcakes and everyone sang “Happy Birthday” to me in choir. Later that evening I went out for dinner with my best friends and we decided to opt out of ordering cake. Instead, they lit a Bath and Body Works candle and poured vodka into a glass while singing “Happy Birthday”. For the rest of the night and morning after they continued to care and swirl me into a much-needed laughing frenzy.

However, making friendships does not always come easily for some people. I experienced a troubling shift when I changed middle schools in grade six because all the kids I was friends with were very welcoming of others. Therefore, I expected the students at my new school to incorporate the same qualities when I first began. However, I was awoken with the stone truth that the school had been installed with a completely opposite dynamic. From this, I discovered that during adolescence there is a huge priority to make friends quickly because we don’t want to be seen as an outcast. This leads to an intense focus to gain popularity and potentially act out of character to impress others. I learned a lot from this experience, but I regret spending so much time trying to blend in with the crowd. Especially now, knowing that the friends I have are drawn to me by the way I freely paint the world.

In high school and post-secondary years, we generally meet our ‘forever flowers’. The people we are able to form a distinct, long-lasting connection through our shared interests. In high school, this is manifested by joining extracurricular activities and socializing with others in classes. I found that students focused less on gaining popularity, but still wanted to have a friend group. However, in university this idea flips because students are paying for an education, not to make friendships. Meeting people in university and forming bonds is more so a benefit than a main priority. Because of this, my transition from high school to university was quite shocking. Typically, everyone follows this routine of going to class, sitting silently during the lecture, and then going to their next class or home. Consequently, I feel slightly awkward reaching out to others because I do not want to seem too aggressive.

“You expect more from them when you are young because you rely on them to get through the teenage years which can be hell (having a lack of self-esteem, boyfriend and family issues, etc.). When you get older you don’t rely on your friends as much. You love yourself more and you have to build yourself. You can’t rely or wait for others to love you.” – Jennifer Badgley

I also believe that it is our duty as a friend to show tough and soft ways of compassion which can be interpreted as the ‘Band-Aid approach’. Loving ‘softly’, means that when a conflict or slight mishap occurs the main focus is to provide comfort, listen carefully and to let the other feel loved. On the contrary, tough love is when it’s time to rip the Band-Aid off! This evokes a positive change through a learning opportunity by sharing a reasonable perspective to an issue. Both are fundamental to establish a healthy friendship and bring forth empathetic and motivating engagements. It is vital to note that friendship is not always about making jokes or providing our two cents. It can mean caring for the other by expressing an arising bad decision, over-reacting or over-thinking. Overall, friendship is a communicative partnership and we ultimately want what is best for the people we appreciate.

Most importantly, in difficult times we intuitively rely on the people closest to us for moral support. I’ll admit that I used to take friendships for granted until I was in a tight situation and I didn’t feel I had anyone to confide in. It was extremely hard to accept that the people I’d perceived to be my real friends were actually those who didn’t care much at all. I stood face to face with an enlightening revelation that I had been investing my time in the wrong crowd. I was treading through muddy waters and found myself ditching those who didn’t meet my expectation of a supportive friend. Then one day while I patiently waited in my row, many seeds sprouted around me and we didn’t have to sing, “I’ll be there for you ‘cuz you’re there for me too.” Instead, we just knew.

“I’ve come to realize that even though I have little friends and sometimes that comes with negative feelings, I have really incredible few friends that love me to death. That small amount of people made me feel a lot better than a larger group of people ever did.” – Kiara Emily Rose

Written by Tessa R. Adamski