Discovering Growth in the Wake of a Burial – The Love Project

From my experience and observation, loss is difficult to speak about. Therefore, I thought it would be most appropriate to write directly from the heart. In doing so, I hope I can enlighten and provide healing to those who may need it most. Overall, the thought and experience of loss will never diminish from my consciousness. It renders feelings of happiness, suffering, nostalgia, anger, pain and love. It brings a kind of heavy emotion and numbness I never thought I could feel. Losing a loved one is inevitable and it is scary because we live life knowing that at some point in time, there will be an empty hole in our garden of flowers. A void we will endlessly attempt to fill, yet never be able to replace. Losing someone you love is painful, but learning to live without them is one of life’s many, excruciatingly heart-wrenching experiences of mankind. Although we still carry the impact of these individuals in our hearts, it is difficult to accept that those who once breathed amongst us must live on as a memory.

As death continues to unfold in the world, we become familiarized by the meaning of grief. When a loved one passes away there is an initial shock factor that releases various emotions towards their absence. This is evident when we have confided, appreciated, shared, loved and laughed with this person. Then suddenly they are gone. It is a mixture of calmness occurring in chaos and when the reality of absence settles, sending chills up your spine, you are left searching every corner for everything that reminds you of them. Grief is an ache that cannot be buried in soil. It can only be lifted off the pavement with acceptance, resilience, and further replenished with the love and honour that will grow in the wake of their passing.

I have learned that losing someone develops a new sense of awareness for how often we share our affection with the people in our lives. I was nine years young when my Papa passed away and at that age, I didn’t quite understand the meaning of death. We are so naïve during adolescence that we don’t realize the substantial effects that illnesses have on people of old age. Consequently, it was difficult for me to grasp the thought that I did not have all the time in the world to spend with my Papa like I imagined. I remember the last time I visited him in the hospital on Halloween, showing off my witch costume while secretly hinting to the nurses that I wanted candy. Again, not understanding that spending quality time with my Papa was more precious than perfecting my best puppy-begging eyes. The following two months seemed to slip through my fingers and before I knew it, my father was informing my siblings and I with teary eyes that Papa had gone to heaven. That is when it really hit me. The absence of his presence was the first heartbreak I’d ever known. From that day forward, I promised myself I would begin to cherish the precious time I was gifted, by extending each hug with a loved one just a tad longer.

“Love is a treasure, it is precious and priceless.” – Victoria Han

As I’ve grown to understand and acquire various ways to cope with loss, I’ve also learned that no matter how hard you try, it never gets easier. When my Nana passed away four years after my Papa, it was different because I understood everything that was happening and I was knowledgeable with the concept that time is extremely valuable. However, I was so afraid to feel the emotions that come with loss that I chose to prepare myself for her passing – so much that I forgot to live and fully appreciate the few moments we had left together. Now I am left with an unbearable amount of guilt for focusing on what was to come rather than connecting more thoroughly in the moment. From this experience, I learned that pain will undoubtedly follow the aftermath of loss. Therefore, we cannot run from the fear of losing someone and the emotions that will arise by choosing to encompass ourselves in the after thoughts of death instead of living in the present.

Furthermore, I experienced the devastating loss of my uncle in March of 2017 to brain cancer. Unfortunately, I do not have a perfect way to express how hurt and lost I felt through the journey comprised of wishful thinking and damaging family arguments, whilst watching an inspirational relative cave before my eyes. However, I can resolute that with the six months of life he was given from the day of his diagnosis, ultimately created some of the most treasurable memories that will continue to guide me through the hardest and happiest moments of my life.

“Love is saying goodbye to someone when you love them the most because you’ve seen all the parts of them.” – Jack Adamski

Overall, I cannot reiterate enough how important sharing your love for another truly is with each opportunity you receive. Losing a loved one allows us to re-evaluate our priorities and to reflect on how often or little we choose to care for the individuals in our lives. It is extremely difficult to say goodbye and to take the first step forward following the passing of a loved one, but every experience brings forth a learning opportunity. We find comfort in knowing they will always provide us with guidance, even when we feel isolated. We can also keep the beautiful memories close to our heart and begin the journey of rebuilding our lives to honour their existence in a creative and peaceful way. Altogether, the loss of a loved one delivers an endless amount of strength, guidance, and a love that shall radiate new light to our garden.

To conclude, a valuable and insightful phrase, “Faith in losing a loved one provides us with hope that one day we will be reunited, so we hang on to this belief to cope with the loss of love.” – Michelle Kukurudz

By Tessa R. Adamski